6 Tips for Dealing with a Premenstrual Girlfriend

How To

Women can be cranky right before and during their periods because of the hormonal fluctuations of their monthly cycle. Here are some ways to be more supportive and understanding toward your girlfriend when she’s experiencing symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS).

Steps

1. Don’t ever, ever openly attribute her emotional malaise to her period. Even if you know she’s (almost) on her period, even if you see the same exact symptoms every month, keep that observation to yourself. Many women - especially when in a bad mood - will take offense to your assumption that the reason she’s upset is because it’s “that time of the month”. Since she’s sensitive, she might feel like you’re discrediting or dismissing her opinion by attributing it to her period. Suggesting that a physical symptom (cramps, headaches, breast tenderness) is due to her period is fine, but just don’t do that with any behavioral changes.
2. Be patient. Dealing with anybody on a short fuse can be trying. If she snaps at you, or does something to get under your skin, don’t lose your temper and fight back. It won’t do any good, and it’ll probably just make things worse, possibly erupting into a huge argument over nothing. Just take a deep breath and ignore whatever she just did that bothered you. Remember that she’s not normally like this, and it’s only temporary. See also How to Defuse an Argument.
3. Listen to her, even if she’s not making any sense. Look for what she’s really telling you. If she’s complaining about something that’s never bothered her before, what she’s really saying is “I feel like crap and there’s nothing I can do about it, so I’m looking for something else to change and hoping that will make me feel better.”
4. Don’t take it personally. During this time, her emotions might get the best of her, and she might question your relationship. She might question you. And she may even question your worthiness as a human being. While these attacks are intended to be personal at that very moment, you don’t actually have to take them personally. As mentioned in the previous step, she’s feeling helpless, and sometimes when people feel helpless they look for other things they can control, and that might mean pushing your buttons or triggering your emotions. Your best defense against this is to remain level-headed and calmly say, “Ok, I understand.” What you really understand is that you’re still the same person she enjoyed before PMS took control, and her change in perception of you is probably temporary. At the same time, her being premenstrual is not an excuse for being verbally or physically abusive. If it goes too far, let her know that her behavior is unacceptable.
5. Exercise compassion. Think about a time when physical changes made you cranky. Was there ever an instance when you weren’t getting enough sleep, and you became rather abrasive as a result? Or maybe you were in the hospital, and the chronic pain made you severely irritable. Put yourself in her shoes. Not only might she be experiencing bothersome physical symptoms, but her hormones are also ebbing and flowing, making it very difficult for her to know how she feels or what she wants. Think of the effect testosterone has had on you in the past, like when you get sexually aroused, or on any occasion when you felt aggression or rage (especially in your teenage years). For that time, you feel caught up in a wave, as if you don’t have control. That’s probably how she feels.
6. Be forgiving and reassuring. Her insecurities are likely to come up around this delicate point in her cycle, and there’s the potential for a negative feedback loop: She feels insecure, so she behaves irritably, which makes you not want to be around her, which “confirms” her insecurity. Many girls will feel insecure about their bodies, and about your feelings for them. Try to give her a few extra compliments, and be more affectionate, even if you feel like your girlfriend is possessed by a demon that’s out to ruin your week.

Tips

• Prepare for extreme reactions, in both directions. If you’re nice to her, she might question your intentions, or not take notice, or even cry tears of joy.
• While some girls don’t want to to be physically intimate during their period, others may crave it, especially if it makes them feel emotionally and physically better. If you’re uncomfortable with having sex during her period, read How to Have Sex During Your Period for some helpful options. An alternative to sex, however, would be to give her a back massage or foot rub.
• If your wife/girlfriend is especially sensitive to PMS, it pays to keep track of her periods so you know when to follow these steps before a conflict ensues.
• If you know her cycle and one day she’s just really emotional when it isn’t that time of the month, remember there could be other reasons. On some occasions, women may experience cramps at other times of the month (such as ovulation cramps, or implantation cramps if she gets pregnant). It may also be that she is going through another kind of physical pain, but more likely it is something else altogether.

Warnings

• Don’t try to blame your relationship issues on your girlfriend’s period. This is just immature. If she really suffers from PMS, that’s just a few days out of a whole month. Dig deeper to find the real core of your problems.

Related wikiHows

• How to Be Patient
• How to Make a Woman Feel Better While She’s on Her Period
• How to Fix a Huge Argument with Your Girlfriend
• How to Have Sex During Your Period

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